First of all, If you are offended by this title stop reading now. Most likely you have a legalistic view of Christianity and this post will not help you nor will you ever be able to help those who struggle with secret sin...
In 1995 I got a Compaq computer with a modem, setup my AOL account and accessed the Internet one evening. Chat rooms were the beginning then one curious keyword search would prompt never-ending pop-ups of pornographic images. Next thing I new it was daybreak. I had spent hours looking at sex. The pop ups came so furiously and I could not exit them to the point I had to unplug the computer.
Not long after that night, it happened again. Bored and sitting in the basement the click-fest started. Finally I had to shut the computer down because I was about to be late for choir practice.
A few years later, clicking through channels I came upon a free-month of HBO and Showtime. Late one night scanning channels I saw titties. BIG ONES. For a few hours I would scan through each movie channel hoping to see more.
I realized quickly two things I must do. First, I set up a password for content restrictions where I would have to take a second step by willfully entering a password before accessing explicit content, and I asked DirecTV to remove the movie channels. I needed safeguards set-up because my will power was so weak.
I confessed to my wife that I have viewed pornography that previous evening. She was shocked, but graciously listened to me, understood and forgave me.
I read the book "Every Man's Battle" and even had my wife read it. I explained to her the pressures and temptations that I faced daily. Even though I do not act on them, it doesn't stop their onslaught on my mind. She and I came to an understanding that brought us closer than ever.
Today, we avoid Rated R and MA movies. If we were to watch one, we review the Parents guide on IMDB to see if it has sexual content. If there is nudity, we don't watch. Does it always work out? No. On instances we come across content and I simply do my best to look away or to fast forward through it.
Why do I do this? When I check out other women, subconsciously, it takes away from how I view my wife. When I control my eyes, her beauty is amplified. Her body satisfies me more and more. This is because I have not satisfied my desires elsewhere. She has become the object of my lust. You don't believe me? If you took an honest look at your life you would learn it does you too. Viewing nudity and sexual content on TV gets the heart pounding and has a temporary feel good moment. But afterwards leaves you empty and shameful...if you are striving to follow Christ.
This is one of the things Christians don't talk about much. A secret sin that allows you to still be in the choir, on a keyboard or even teaching a class.
I thank God that each failure was just for a moment. However, there are those they are under lust's power non-stop and cannot break free. If that is you. Find another man that you can trust. Men, should talk about this. Christians should talk about this.
The Bible says that we were born into sin and shaped in iniquity. The Bible also says "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us."
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